{"id":76,"date":"2022-02-22T19:40:26","date_gmt":"2022-02-22T19:40:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/?p=76"},"modified":"2022-02-22T19:40:26","modified_gmt":"2022-02-22T19:40:26","slug":"sorry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/?p=76","title":{"rendered":"sorry"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>My ex has never apologized during or after our split. \u00a0I have no delusion that she ever will (and I won&#8217;t need it despite the closure it would bring) so I&#8217;m doing it for her:<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m sorry.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry for telling you I wanted to separate 10 months after your dad died, and 3 months after the most special dog in your life died unexpectedly.<\/li>\n<li>During this conversation, I&#8217;m sorry that when you asked me for a little patience and that you were still grieving so many things and needed time, that I yelled at you &#8220;I can&#8217;t help you with that!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>When you asked if there was someone else, I&#8217;m sorry that I told you the idea was crazy, that I wasn&#8217;t interested, and that the reasons you gave for suspecting were ridiculous.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that when you brought this up again, that I once again yelled at you and said &#8220;I&#8217;m sick of you bringing that up, you&#8217;re not helping yourself.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I lied to you and told you the reason I was leaving was because of &#8220;your moods&#8221; despite the fact that your mood was simply a result of sadness due to your multiple, consecutive losses.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that when you called me crying, that I was repeatedly harsh to you, dismissive to your despair, and placed blame solely on you, when all the while I was seeing someone else.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I lied and told you I needed to be on my own for a while, when in fact I was never planning to be on my own and was in fact having an affair.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that when you were scared and upset from this separation, and accidentally sent a notification to see my location on my phone, that I yelled at you and told you that you were pissing me off, when in fact I was having dinner with the man I was having an affair with.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry for finally telling you that I&#8217;m leaving the marriage exactly 1 year to the date from the last time you saw your dad alive.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that after every single conversation with you during our separation, that I would then call the person I was having an affair with instead of truly considering my options with a clear head.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I constantly gaslighted you when you asked about thew repeated phone calls to this person that you found on our phone records.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I didn&#8217;t even attempt to save the marriage through counseling or any other options we could have explored.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I told you the reason for not going to counseling is because you called it off both times before, which simply wasn&#8217;t true.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that after not being able to have children, that I robbed you of that ability as well. I&#8217;m sorry that you thought I was enough and that sacrificing this option was worth it to you. I&#8217;m sorry that I left you for a man with 4 children, thus fulfilling my own desire to have children in some capacity.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that after you discovered that you were right all along about someone else being involved, that I immediately began to reform the truth to make myself look not only innocent, but somehow like a victim.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that when you got home from Seattle, that you brought me my favorite drink and food from Starbucks, only to find the text messages between me and the person I was cheating on you with.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that you read how I told him he was my person, told him &#8220;I love you&#8221; and other things that must have been truly painful to read.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I have a repeating pattern of bending the truth when telling others the situation, simply to get their support and to justify and rationalize my own terrible actions.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry for immediately enacting a smear campaign against you, lying to others to ensure the full truth never came out, especially truths that might hurt my image.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I&#8217;ve shown nothing but anger and hatred towards you despite the fact that you could have told everyone about the affair, with undeniable evidence, but instead you chose not to.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I lied to my parents to the point where they confronted you on social media and via text message with reasons that clearly weren&#8217;t true.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I took my parents away from you with my lies, as I know you cared about them deeply. I&#8217;m sorry for not caring about that whatsoever, and that I care more about them seeing me in a perfect light.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that my parents are now like another series of deaths to you, and I&#8217;m sorry that I took them away from you without a single thought for your relationship towards them.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that my dad confronted you on Instagram and said &#8220;This is just as much your fault as it is hers&#8221; and insinuated that you were somehow to blame.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that my mom texted you and told you that you shouldn&#8217;t have told my bother before I had the chance, when the truth was that you told him simply because you had to block him on social media and wanted him to know why. I&#8217;m sorry that I put you in ap lace where you know I bend the truth and talk poorly about you top others, so you felt the need to tell the basic truth to a person you cared about.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry for taking screenshots of things you posted on social media that were related to your father&#8217;s death and sending them to my friend, after which we both made fun of you and joked about how you made no sense.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry for taking snippets of your text messages and sending them to my mom and lying about the context.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I rented a movie through your Amazon account, making you pay for it, when that movie was for me and my new boyfriend. I&#8217;m further sorry that when you complained to me, that I took a screenshot and sent it to my mom and said &#8220;All this because I accidentally spent $4 for a movie rental&#8221; while leaving out the very important detail that it was for me and my new boyfriend.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I lied to others about that final argument when you pointed your finger at me, and how I actually walked up to you and twisted your finger.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I used this same argument as the &#8220;turning point&#8221; when it was in fact I who started the fight. I&#8217;m sorry that I ignored your attempts to ease over the conflict, saying that all will be fine and we&#8217;ll worry about it tomorrow. I&#8217;m sorry that I belittled you and implied that you couldn&#8217;t possibly handle the situation without my input, thus eventually causing you to react in frustration.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I invited this other man into a house that we both still lived in while you were out of town. I&#8217;m sorry I made him dinner in your home, and left the dishes and leftovers for you to see. I&#8217;m sorry for the things we did in that house that you don&#8217;t know about, but were left to envision on your own.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that when you asked why he was there, that I lied and told you he was returning some ladders, even though we work in the exact same facility.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I had so little respect for you, that I told you how I &#8220;made out with him&#8221; and went to dinner with him multiple times during a separation where I was supposed to be thinking things through wit ha clear mind.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that when you were crying during the worst day of your life, when you discovered I was having an affair, that the only thing I asked you was &#8220;So can you tell me what you&#8217;re going to do with those texts?&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry for never saying sorry, not a single time, for any of the above unless it was accompanied with another false accusation or &#8220;but&#8221; statement.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry for saying that I never want to hear you tell me that all you want me to say is &#8220;I hear what you&#8217;re saying&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry for taking away another dog, and eliminating any chance of you seeing him again.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that when we finally came to a point where we could possibly get along after this disaster, that I posted 2 photos of me and my new boyfriend, arm in arm, with no regard as to how that may make you feel.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that when you mentioned it, all I said was &#8220;It was at a party with other people&#8221; as if that could possibly make a difference in how it made you feel.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that the only apology I gave was combined with the false accusation that you had &#8220;something similar going on&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that, after you took too long to sign the dissolution papers due to the fact that reading them gave you panic attacks, that I threatened you with divorce and bullied you into signing them.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I hired an attorney that constantly pressured you to sign the documents.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I&#8217;ll never tell you sorry, that I&#8217;ll simply dig my heels in and tell myself, endlessly, that he was wrong, that he deserved this, that I could never be so wrong about something like this, that it wasn&#8217;t just sadness due to loss, but <em>him, his fault, always his fault<\/em>.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that my only goal throughout this entire process was to falsely vilify you so that I might feel better about my own actions. I&#8217;m sorry that the most energy I spent was ensuring that my image remained whole intact, regardless of the further loss that meant for you after losing so much in the past year.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that, 10 months after one of my own parents die, that I&#8217;ll never consider what it might be like for the person I care about the most to cheat on me, and to throw me away like a piece of discarded trash.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that you&#8217;ll never be able to visit the graves of our two dogs because it&#8217;s now become too hard to disassociate them from the failed marriage, and too painful to stomach.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry I&#8217;ve never looked back, never shown remorse or doubt, and thus instilling such confusion and loss atop your existing pain, that 6 months of therapy still haven&#8217;t helped take away your persistent sense of doom and daily fear.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I made you think I loved you, only to treat you worse than you&#8217;ve ever imagined, thus ensuring that you may never trust that anyone cares about you ever again. I&#8217;m sorry you were so sure that I loved you, and I&#8217;m sorry that this fact has now completely destroyed trust in your own instinct, and has now made you feel that you&#8217;ll never feel love again without doubt.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry that I&#8217;ll never give you closure through something as simple as a genuine apology, one free of accusations or manufactured justifications that paint you in a bad light.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry I don&#8217;t think you&#8217;re worth the simple effort of saying &#8220;I&#8217;m sorry, you didn&#8217;t deserve that.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My ex has never apologized during or after our split. \u00a0I have no delusion that she ever will (and I won&#8217;t need it despite the closure it would bring) so I&#8217;m doing it for her: I&#8217;m sorry. I&#8217;m sorry for telling you I wanted to separate 10 months after your dad died, and 3 months [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-76","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-all"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=76"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=76"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=76"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sadserif.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=76"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}