Sad Serif

Author: Sadmin

  • dissolved

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    Sadmin
    in

    Today was the day of the dissolution hearing, so of course I’m experiencing a mix of emotions. The marriage is over, as it should be, and as it perhaps should have been years ago. And yet, understandably, I feel the grief overwhelming me. The little stabs as the magistrate called my ex Ms. followed by…

  • fade

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    Sadmin
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    This week is feeling a bit different. I think it’s a good different, though it’s such a small shift. Frail, and prone to being another tease, something that sticks harder when I fall back down. But maybe not. Time is doing its work, and with that comes a mix of emotions. My memories, the immediate…

  • flood

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    Sadmin
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    Last night I had an intense dream. In it I ran into my ex, and she was holding a ring in a box. When I confronted her, I asked her how she could be engaged to this new person already, how she could move on so easily. She replied that her father had given her…

  • deepening

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    Sadmin
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    Things are getting worse. I think it’s because the end of the marriage is near, and that part is fine, but also I’m fully in the anger stage of my grieving process as I work through the loss. I’m someone that has trouble staying mad, and my anger almost always turns to sadness. Tomorrow is…

  • tampered

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    Sadmin
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    Note: this is a revision of my previous poem, 2 weeks in Mourning: My dad died two weeks ago. When I felt years younger. Simply alive, then not alive.  Both of us, in a way.   Alone in the ward, his final breath, shared only with strangers, joined in whispering ether, of others, lost in…

  • sorry

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    Sadmin
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    My ex has never apologized during or after our split.  I have no delusion that she ever will (and I won’t need it despite the closure it would bring) so I’m doing it for her: I’m sorry. I’m sorry for telling you I wanted to separate 10 months after your dad died, and 3 months…

  • winner

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    Sadmin
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    PTSD. There’s no other way around what I’m dealing with, and it’s a pretty extreme version. I can’t wake up without feeling fear, and I can’t get through the day without sensing that I’m constantly in danger. Too much has happened, and I’ve simply lost too much in a short amount of time to truly…

  • bleeding

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    Sadmin
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    I often think about how I felt about 13-15 years ago, and compare it to how I feel now. To say the least, I feel like that person doesn’t exist anymore, and I can’t comprehend how it might feel to be so “light” as I was back then. All things were in place: My father…

  • lingchi

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    Sadmin
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    Lingchi: translated variously as the slow process, the lingering death, or slow slicing, and also known as death by a thousand cuts. I’ve become immobile in so many ways. So many things that existed before my marriage now seem off-limits to me. Good memories, favorite movies and songs, treasured poems and experiences, all brutally transmogrified…

  • daughter

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    Sadmin
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    In 2015 my ex-wife was 6 weeks pregnant. I remember a moment where we sat on my back porch and talked about the future, and I remember such peace and certainty that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. We told her parents, and told mine. Her father cried from happiness. She lost…