Sad Serif

Category: All Writings

  • blocked

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    Sadmin
    in

    I’ve come to realize a true, deeply-rooted trigger, is that I have an immense fear of losing people I love. Understandable after all my losses, but there is another element I’ve had to take a lot of time to uncover. It’s the concept of losing loved-ones in a flurry of imposed shame. After losing my…

  • (un)seen

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    Sadmin
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    Somehow I keep messing up. As I try better, I experience worse. Hurt others. Hurt a truly kind person that has seen nothing but hurt in her past. She saw me for who I was, finally, finally to be heard and seen at such a level. A twin ship passing in the night, another lesson…

  • ghost

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    Sadmin
    in

    Familiar with the feeling of floors, and walls, their endless textures, of things I’ve run my fingers over, busying them, grounding myself, proving somehow that I’m still here. Textures, sharp and dull and falling away, crumbling on a microscopic level, lodging between the lines, of fingers’ grooves, permanently part of me, as real as can…

  • pariah

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    Sadmin
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    I’ve lost more. The only lifeline I had, gone. Another gift I couldn’t accept. Dreams that torture me and tell me “You have a few things to work on, in case you didn’t know.”. A melange of realities that weren’t allowed, of a lost child, a lost marriage, a lost future, a lost past. Vivisected.…

  • Broken Chair

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    Sadmin
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    (lyrics by “Chris and Thomas”) You breathe, you learn, you lose You take, you break, you choose And as, you learn, and cry You do, your best, and try And as, the days, go by It makes you, wonder why You try so hard, so hard To mend what’s bound to fall apart Ooh maybe…

  • dad

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    Sadmin
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    It’s been 2 years since my father passed away. With my wife’s affair, some 10 months after he passed—and the subsequent explosion of my life—I was somewhat robbed of the opportunity to properly mourn. This meant random fits of unprocessed, unhinged emotions rearing their heads whenever they so choose. At the grocery store. While hanging…

  • self

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    Sadmin
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    I think about the past, how I can hardly relate to a certain version of myself. When I was around 25yo, everything was moving in the right direction. I essentially felt just as I had as a kid, despite minor stress starting to encroach from my career and other typical growing pains as I entered…

  • sad mad

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    Sadmin
    in

    I’m so angry today. So angry because progress is so glacial, and I know that I’ll never be the same even when I’m supposedly “healed”. I am angry at an event that has now somehow defined 16 years of my life as a sham. I’m angry for the repercussions forced upon me undeservedly, that I…

  • jackson

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    Sadmin
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    Last night I had one of those dreams where people tell you it was a visit. Jackson, the first dog that I lost a couple years back, was the visitor in this case, and I’m amazed at the brain’s ability to retain ‘presence’ of a loved one. Not only were Jackson’s features replicated down to…

  • where

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    by

    Sadmin
    in

    I’ve had to make so many changes. Somehow I’ve managed to keep working, to a point, though not like before. I’ve managed to not become a total recluse, though I feel my mind begging to stay safe, to keep away, to protect, and that translates to a lack of interest in going anywhere. When I…